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hildren often assume the surface of events tells the whole story, missing the deeper reasons behind others’ actions. Teaching them to ask, “Why might they really do that?” fosters investigative thinking, sharpening their ability to interpret actions with nuance and wisdom — a crucial skill for leadership, negotiation, and critical judgment.

One morning, my daughter was upset that a friend suddenly offered a gift after an earlier argument. She quickly labeled it as suspicious but couldn’t explain why. I challenged her to list three possible motives — reconciliation, guilt, or manipulation — and think through which seemed most likely based on the friend’s behavior. Her conclusion, grounded in facts rather than feelings, helped her approach the situation wisely rather than impulsively.

To build this capacity, create a “Motive Detective” exercise weekly. Choose a real event — from playground dramas to historical cases — and ask your child to list three possible motives for someone’s action. Guide them to support each with evidence, then discuss which motive seems most plausible. Keep a “Motive Journal” to track their evolving skill. Over time, they will develop the rare ability to look beyond appearances and uncover the real engines of human behavior.

TIPS

• Ask “Why might they do that?” to deepen empathy
• Praise thoughtful guesses with evidence
• Use real or fictional examples
• Explore motives in books or daily life
• Discuss your own actions to model openness

ACTIVITIES

• Motive Hunt: Pick a person’s action, name 3 motives, support one — 10 min
• Scene Sleuth: Observe a behavior (e.g. TV character), guess a motive — 10 min
• Motive Log: Reflect on a friend’s surprising act, write likely reason — 10 min